I’ll be honest…I really struggled writing this particular blog post. As a family caregiver, I am constantly finding solutions and fixes to challenging caregiving situations. Over the past six months, I have been caring for my human family members, in addition to my four-legged furry loved ones.
Approximately a week ago, our family had a tough decision. After many months, our aging 13-year old beautiful black lab’s quality of life had diminished. We had to weigh our options and do what was best for her. But, last Monday morning, I looked in her eyes and I saw a tear stream down her nose. She saw me. She heard me. She responded to me. I knew and accepted it was time.
She is now at peace. As we grieve and treasure our family memories, I recall geriatric care manager Kay Paggi’s blog post entitled Waiting for Death. Kay was faced with similar circumstances…
None of us leave this life alive; we all experience death. I am frustrated when I read an article about how a medical intervention “saves lives.” No intervention yet has saved anyone from dying; we all die. What medical interventions do is postpone death.
The process of dying differs from person to person. Most people want death to be as painless as possible, and their loved ones and caregivers do everything in their power to make it so. Knowing someone you love is dying is intensely frustrating. That is probably why so few people enroll in a hospice program. It may be comforting to the doctor and the family to feel like they are doing something, even if futile, to prevent (postpone) the dying.
My dog is 14 years old. In people time, she is about 100. She doesn’t see well, she doesn’t hear well, she doesn’t move around well. In the past 2 weeks, she has pretty much stopped eating and developed a limp; she moans when I pick her up. I know what is coming. I am a geriatric care manager. My clients are old, and I have been with them as they died. I know what is happening to them is happening to her. But knowing is different from experiencing it firsthand, around the clock, with a loved one, even a dog.
Against my own professional advice, I took my dog to the vet. I know there is nothing to be done. But I was hoping for a reprieve, a magic pill that would give me another few months with my furry friend. The vet, like most doctors, rose to the request for help. She started the dog on antibiotics, saying, “This dog is old; she probably has an infection somewhere.” She gave me appetite stimulant pills, pain pills, and steroids. All of these had to be forced down the poor dog’s throat, as she struggled against this invasion of her body. In spite of my best efforts, she refuses ice cream, turkey, baby food. The body shuts down as it dies, and she is not hungry. Eating, and the antibiotics, give her diarrhea.
I have made my peace. The medical interventions are gone. I cuddle her, I tell her I love her, I carry her outside and wash soiled towels. And I wait. Waiting for death is intensely frustrating and sad and necessary and loving.
Having experienced hospice, and the peace it brings to the dying loved one and family members, I knew we were making the most humane and best decision for our beloved four-legged family member. As Kay says, “…knowing is different from experiencing it firsthand, around the clock, with a loved one, even a dog.” Dealing with death is always challenging. For me, as a family caregiver, when I have been faced with options, it is a process. But when I listen and look deep into my loved one’s eyes (even a family pet), I see answers.
Your CAREjourney Guide,
Staci Witten
About Kay Paggi
Kay Paggi is a private practice geriatric care manager based in the Dallas, TX area. She is a Licensed Professional Counselor, Care Manager, and the only National Certified Gerontological Counselor located in the north Texas area. She has been active in eldercare consulting since 1994. In addition, since 1993 she has been a certified Mediator and recently achieved certification as an ElderCare Mediator. www.KayPaggi.com.
About Staci Witten
Staci Witten is the President of CAREjourney.com. She is the former owner of a successful licensed home care company as well as a family caregiver. After working with many family caregivers and aging parents, she wanted to reach more people and help them find quality care for loved ones. Thus, CAREjourney was founded to help match quality caregivers with those seeking care based upon needs, interests and personality. www.CAREjourney.com
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